Appaloosa

Has your town been overrun by gangsters? Did they kill your sheriff and his deputies? Do they come in and do what ever they want to and take whatever they want to? Well, if that's your situation, you may wanna employ the services of someone like Virgil Cole (Ed Harris) and his trusty sidekick Everett Hitch (Viggo Mortensen).
Ed Harris plays Virgil Cole, a "lawman for hire" who often fumbles his vocabulary who, with his buddy Everett (Vigo) cruise around the wild west in search of what would today be considered basically security service jobs. A town called Appaloosa gets overrun by the henchmen of a man by the name of Randall Bragg (Jeremy Irons) who's good manners and seemingly laid back demeanor hide a vicious, dirty, low down mutha fucka. The heads of the town employ Virgil and Everett to take it back. Vigo declares martial law on the town (so he can shoot whoever he needs to) and they get busy. That's basically the story line.

In comes Renee Zellweger who plays a character named Allison French, who is somewhat mysterious with somewhat questionable morals. She eventually takes a liking to who? Of course - Virgil Cole. I think its not too hard to figure these things out. Its a damn western!
Now, Hollywood hit a home run with 3:10 to Yuma. It was an action packed movie with very interesting characters and gunfights and chase scenes. This movie is very different. It moves at the pace of a horse's trot, takes place mostly in town and has more comedy than action. Now, don't get me wrong - its not a comedy. Its just that there are a lot of funny lines in this movie in the dialog exchange between Ed and Vigo and between the two of them and others. They had great onscreen chemistry and had no problem convincing an audience that they'd been friends for a long time.

This flick seemed more like what you would call a realistic depiction of the old west. There was a lot of time spent on porches, no one in the movie was in that big of a hurry to do anything and the pace was a lot slower than an action western like 3:10 To Yuma. This film focused on the characters and gave more of a realistic depiction of how things probably went down back in the day. What I especially found interesting was the way the gunfights were carried out. There was much more etiquette than what is normally displayed in most westerns. Given the fact that etiquette dictated a great deal in the early years of America, I actually didn't find it hard to believe at all.

Now - what I didn't like about the movie.
I have a great deal of respect for Jeremy Irons. He's a good actor who has played a lot of different roles. I liked his character in this movie but I really had a hard time getting past his British accent slips. I just couldn't imagine a rich, British mutha fucka like him out in the middle of nowhere. Early on in the movie, they mention that he is friends with the President of the U.S., too? Aw, HELL NAW! Well, since he had about 15-20 henchmen at his beck and call, I guess I could let that slide. I guess he was doing the big fish in a small pond thang. Whateva.

Secondly and most unbelievably was Renee Zellweger. Okay, this broad was basically the vixen of the movie! Yeah, you heard me! Renee fuckin' Zellweger! Git the fuck outta here, right? I know! While there was one other woman in the movie besides Renee (well, and the maid), the Spanish hotel whore that Vigo was fucking, Renee was the one who had the loosest booty in the movie. Now while I have nothing against Renee personally, you'd think that a bitch with a name like Allison French would be a little more...hotter? Sexier? Cuter? Hell, let's not bullshit ourselves, Renee is the chick you go home with at the very end of the night who has to be out by morning and you don't keep her number unless she knows some tricks or something. Like I said, it was a realistic view of the old west. I guess any bitch who bathes every night, wears dresses and perfume and knows how to cook, clean and play the piano was a catch in a small ass town like Appaloosa.Still, I would have cast someone else if it were me.

Unless you like Westerns, I wouldn't suggest this movie. I thought it was a pretty good flick but I still won't recommend it. Its slow and that can be a turn off to most of today's movie goers. I found the dialog entertaining and the acting (especially between Vigo and Ed) was primo but this is not one for the mainstream. Also, at times the direction seems a bit scattered and less focused. There are points where you feel like you are just looking at peoples' lives rather than a movie and you are waiting for shit to happen.
This film in my opinion, is a rental for people who kinda like westerns or kinda like Vigo Mortensen or kinda like Ed Harris. I know this is going to sound conflicting but would I watch it again? Yep. There is some great dialog in the movie and I'd watch it again just for that. I think it was a good movie. Still, unless you are into the above mentioned, I'd have to say skip it and wait for the DVD or cable (most likely HBO) showing of it. Its worth watching, but it ain't got none of "us" in it AT ALL. The few Indians it had in it were bit parts and that's about as ethnically diverse as this movie got. Well, there was the Mexican maid.
Unless you have a fetish for seeing the back of Renee Zellweger's saggy no-ass, [well, there's a nipple shot through an almost see-through top of the Spanish chick Vigo was fucking (Ariadna Gil) but that's about it] you might wanna pass on expecting nudity. There's a couple of words here and there and Ed Harris sings halfway through the end credits but overall, its not that explicit. Its not even that violent compared to other westerns. Its a safe movie to see but overall, most folk who didn't grow up watching western reruns when they were younger probably won't relate to or like this flick. If you are 30 or over, you remember when the old westerns came on on Saturdays after the cartoons, so you're prepped for what's to come if you choose to see it. I say hold out till it hits HBO or DVD.